Yesterday I met with my therapist and am now remembering exactly what it is I hate about confiding in people; that afterwards I almost always feel guilty and anxious in an intense but vague way. It passes quickly, but it's a bad feeling while it lasts. Sometimes I blame it on guilt over acting needy (at least that's what I blamed it on when it was really bad in November after I talked to somebody) but I don't see why that would be an issue with somebody I'm paying to listen to me. Plus other times I can be plenty needy without feeling guilty. So maybe it's more about vulnerability.

 Fueling my paranoia, she said that I needed to find the "hell no" inside of me, and I kind of startled (this sentence is not missing a word- my body jerked). I didn't tell her about this xanga- did she find it on her own? The more I think about it, the more likely I think it is. But it could be a coincidence. Hell no is probably not an uncommon phrase. But I wrote a post once about the "hell no" inside of me. Because I got the credits enough to change the name of this blog about a year ago, then couldn't decide on a title I liked better than this one. And when I asked my readers, y'all didn't supply any name suggestions. You're still welcome to do that, by the way. How often do you all use the phrase "hell no" as a noun?

My shipment arrived, with my old medications but not the two new prescriptions. I did decide to try the meclizine, but it's not here yet. I hate being dizzy.

My environmental studies professor emailed us with time sensitive material while I was at autreat, wanting us to sign up for a conference on wetland policy making. I read the email on the deadline of the day to sign up, and decided not to, even though the professor was offering an incentive and I could have gone, because of the cost (forty dollars), the nature of the event (networking- bring resume, and eat at restaurant), and the time constraint. I hope it will be alright. I've ordered the textbook through interlibrary loan. It makes me nervous that the class website is up without a syllabus. I hope this class will be as fun as the description of it made it sound.

I listed my ASL vocabulary words and only counted 153, which looked way too low a number to me. Then I watched some ASL music videos on youtube (I do that for about an hour per week) and noticed that of the signs I recognized, there were more words that I hadn't written down than words that I had, which was a relief. My guess is that my vocabulary is closer to 500 signs.  I've been thinking about attempting my own signed song, but both the grammar and the vocabulary needed for any song I'd want to sign are daunting. Particularly because the songs I like tend to have technical science, math, or technical terms. I suppose I could also try signing a religious song- the online dictionaries for signs have a lot more religious words than they do medical ones.